People We Meet

from spenceralley.blogspot.com

Mostly, this blog is about links to articles, websites, and other sources of interesting information. This post deviates from that format a bit in that it's a little more personal.

The other day, a friend and I went to a restaurant I hadn't been to before. It was one of those places, kind of like a tonier (this was Brentwood, after all) Souplantation, with lots of great-looking dishes in a display case. You choose how many and which ones, and the person behind the case scoops them out for you.
   I took my turn, choosing three (all delicious, btw), and as the server handed me my plate, she said, "You get an A+ for politeness." What? It was so unexpected, so incongruous ~ like when you were in kindergarten and saw your teacher in the grocery store or on the street, just like a normal person ~ that I had to ask her to repeat it twice before I understood what she was saying. "An A+ for politeness"? Me? And I
wondered, not for the first time, what I had said or done to deserve that. I certainly hadn't made a conscious, concerted effort to be polite; I hadn't been thinking that I needed to be extraordinarily well-behaved. I had just done my thing and treated her the way I treat all strangers and fleeting acquaintances. So what was I doing that was so different from what others do that she felt she had to give me positive reinforcement? And how must most people treat her that, just by being myself, I had gotten an A+?
   I remember my mother saying to me whenever, like so many teens, I was leaving the house in a funk, "You have no right to inflict your bad mood on others." I didn't, of course, appreciate hearing that then. Even less did I appreciate her expectation that I would always leave the house looking neat and, if not exactly elegant, at least clean and well-groomed. In both of these, she led by example, but I remember her also saying that taking the time to present ourselves well is a way of showing respect to everyone we meet, and that everyone, unless and until one learns otherwise, deserves respect. Quaint, old-school sentiments, perhaps, but ones that obviously worked their way into the very core of my being.
   It has happened before that a cashier or salesperson or server will thank me for being nice, and it surprises me every time. Looking back, I realize that it's a fairly recent phenomenon, the first instance I can recall being maybe five or so years ago. I don't remember anyone ever thanking me for being nice before that. And I feel like it's happened more often with each passing year.
   Perhaps this is just an L.A. phenomenon. Or a big-city one. I don't know. But if it isn't (and even if it is, because these things tend to metastasize), what does it say about how we treat each other, about our priorities, about us as a society, and about the direction in which we're headed? How pathetic that politeness and kindness have become so rare that people in the service professions are actually grateful when they come upon someone who acts civilly toward them.
   I won't go into the nagging suspicion I have that this is all tied in with other unfortunate traits we seem to be exhibiting these days, like our ever-lower standards in education and public discourse (e.g., Congress and certain talk show hosts and commentators). What I will do is suggest that everyone reading this make an effort to be kind and polite to everyone always, even when you don't feel like it. Pay it forward. Do it until it becomes so normal that no one will feel the need to comment on it ever again.
   Thank you.